So the year is half-over, and I’ve been looking back thinking about what the last 6 months have been like. A few words come to mind.
‘Challenging’ is one of those words. My husband and I called it quits after almost 18 years of marriage… he informed me in December that he no longer wanted to be married. This came out of the blue for me and was a big blow.
‘Drama’ is another word that resonates… and I hate drama. But just when I thought I was finished grieving the relationship and ready to move on, darling hubby realized he acted rash in some mid-life crisis moment and did some dome things, and he spiraled into depression, dumping all his regret and remorse at my feet.
I wish I could say that there is some satisfaction in your ex suddenly coming back to you, telling you they made a huge mistake, asking for forgiveness; but there wasn’t. I felt I couldn’t ever trust him again, the marriage was over for me. He needed to accept it, but it took a while, a lot of drunken text-messaging and showing up crying at my apartment in the middle of the night.
‘Change of plans’, is not technically a word, but it’s apt. My mother’s health– physical and mental –began deteriorating. I had planned to bring her to live with us, but it’s not safe. It was not entirely unexpected (she’s 87 and her health has been declining for a while).
On top of my mom, I had a 2-month bout with pneumonia. And because of all this, a much-anticipated move to Orlando got put on hold due to all the other problems (and I had been all packed– I was that ready to go!). I’m still half-packed, and half-living out of boxes, trying to regroup.
‘Expensive’, lol, is another word that comes to mind. Between taking care of my mother, becoming a one-parent household, cancelling one move, planning another, etc. my savings are largely depleted. It doesn’t help that hubby owes me a lots of money and is not coming through with child support the way he should be.
You might think it’s been a depressing time for me, and I admit I’ve had my moments, but overall I’m in very good spirits. With the bad, there always comes the good. And there are some very good words that I’ve thought of.
‘Inspiring’ is one of those words I would use for this year– spiritually speaking. My Gods have helped me face each challenge and overcome them; I feel truly blessed. I am ever grateful for their presence in my life and for gifts of faith.
‘Proud’. My kids are soooo amazingly awesome– I mean, I knew that already, but they just warmed my heart proving it again. They stepped up. They helped with everything, took care of me, of their dad, even of each other. I get misty in the realization that I have such wonderful children, and how very close our family is. And that includes my furbaby, Ben, who is constantly at my side.
‘Touched’ and ‘Loved’ also come to mind… my friends, neighbors, students, readers… so many of you have been so comforting, supportive, patient and kind, checking up on me, doing favors for me, lending me an ear to bend and a shoulder to cry on, seeing if I need anything, and– if I didn’t feel up to talking or writing– you just let me heal and get myself together, and when I did you were there for me.
‘Successful’. I could no longer afford to pick and choose when it came; I had to step up my game. My work as a freelance writer is flourishing as a result. I’m making more than ever now, and since it’s now a single parent household and I have to support it all my own, that is truly a blessing.
‘Healthy’ now. I got a big check-up, and my health is in good shape. Gotta watch the cholesterol– common for my age; and I gained quite a bit of weight back in the last six stressful months (definitely getting on board with taking care of that). But other than that, things look good. My diabetes is under control, A1C numbers are good, I have the kidneys and liver of a non-diabetic, apparently, and my sarcoidosis seems to not be flaring up too often or too badly anymore.
I also had an ‘Epiphany’. There has also been a revelation. I was only in Florida because of my mother and husband. Hubby and I moved here because HE wanted to; for me, it was a compromise. Then my mother moved here. And we settled. The whole reason I wanted to go to Orlando was because it’s my favorite place in Florida– I can go to Disney World whenever I want, and essentially escape Florida without leaving Florida.
In recent years though, it has gotten harder and harder for me to return to the Sunshine State after leaving it. I have learned to appreciate Florida, but never really love the nature here. I miss the changing of the seasons, I miss the fall and winter, I miss the return of spring having meaning. So it hit me like a bolt out of the blue– why am I still moving to Orlando? I don’t have to stay in Florida. I’m free now to go wherever I want.
So, I’m planning a move to Tennessee. And that brings me to ‘Optimistic’, because I’m really looking forward to this new phase in my life.
Over all, I’d say 2017 is ‘Transformational’ for me. It’s no wonder for a couple of years before that, I was getting hit with butterflies everywhere. They’d even land on me. I caught the scent in the wind and knew change was coming, but you never know what to expect when you get those kinds of signs. I find, though, that if you remain true to yourself and your path, everything else seems to just fall into place.
Wow, I never meant for this point to ramble on. I guess it was just stuff I needed to say. Thank you for listening.
What’s your year been like?